Today i'm going to lighten up the week by just offering something funny. We need a light hearted day sometimes! So enjoy!


The Pastor
The pastor of a began his sermon with this story: "I was on a plane last week, from Chicago to California, when we ran into some very severe turbulence. As it got worse, the passengers became more and more alarmed, and
even the flight attendants began to look concerned. Finally, one of them noticed that I had 'Rev.' in front of my name on the passenger list, came over to me, and said, 'Sir, this is really frightening. Do you suppose you could, I don't know...do something religious?'" "So I took up a collection." 

Speeding Ticket
 "What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket. 
"Keep it," the cop said, "when you collect four of them you get a bicycle." 

Hospital
A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests.The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. "This is your doctor. We've had the results back from your tests and we've found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!" "Oh my gosh," cries the man. He's in a panic now. "What are you going to do, doctor?" "Well we're going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread." "Will that cure me?" asked the man  hopefully. The doctor replied, "Well no, but ... it's the only food we can get under the door." 
 
A Young Man
A young man was talking to a girl that he had just met, and asked her name. "I don't want to tell you," she said, "I'm named after both of my parents, and it's kind of embarrassing." "Well, what could be so bad about that?" the young man asked.  "My mother's name is Eliza, and my father's name is Ferdinand."the girl answered. "Well, those are
nice names" the guy replied. The girl replied,  "It would be if they  wouldn't have named me FerdEliza!" 

A Businessman
A businessman had a tiring day on the road. He checked into a hotel and, because he was concerned that the dining room might close soon, left his luggage at the front desk and went immediately to eat. After a leisurely dinner, he reclaimed his luggage and realized that he had forgotten his room number. He went back to the desk and told the clerk on duty, "My name is Henry Davis, could you please tell me what room I am in?" 
"Certainly," said the clerk. "You're in the lobby." 

Washing Clothes
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "Clemson University." 

Street Name
"I'd like the number for Jennifer Smith in Richmond, Virginia," the young man said to the 411 operator. "There are multiple listings for Jennifer Smith in Richmond, Virginia," the operator said. "Do you have a street name?" The young man hesitated a moment, "Well, uh, most people call me Bubba." 




Enjoy!

I have posted many of these over the year on various sites. so here is your chance to see them all in one spot! enjoy!

• You have expelled more hot air than a politician has and you're more believable.

• Getting a sore throat is a true catastrophe.

• You walk around making strange noises and sounds and wonder why people are looking at you funny.

• You consider it normal not to see your spouse or children during holidays or weekends.

• Your birthday is a holiday at Jonesbourgh.

• You ask for discounts on storybooks. No reason specified, just that you should get one.

• You find yourself saying to everyone you meet :that reminds me of a story"

• You actually quit your full time job because it interfers with your storytelling.

• You collect clippings from magazines and papers because there might be a story in them.

• You find yourself ordering a meal in a restaurant using your puppet.

• You keep yelling at everyone to be quiet and leave you alone, you're working on a story and there is no one

          else in the room.

• You find humor in other peoples stupidity.

• When in public you feel the urge to tell stories to total strangers.

• You still have hurt feelings because Donald Davis didn't remember your name.

• Your job resume starts with "Once Upon A Time"

• Your last name is always "The Storyteller" EX: Mike Miller the storyteller.

• Your e-mail ends with happilyeverafter.com

• You tell stories to your pets and get mad if they don't like them.

• You have that recurring dream of performing on PBS.

• You know more about unicorns, the little people and fairies than you do the opposite sex.

• The childrens libraian recognizes your voice.

• You think the tape recorder is the greatest invention of all time.

• You can make animal noises-naturally.

• You have more money saved to go the National Storytelling Festival than you have saved for your

          families birthdays.

Most of us who work in the world of speaking and training sometimes read and hear some of the strangest things!

Here are a list of ads that were placed in various papers. As you will see, some folks don't realize the power of 
 heir words!


 Free Yorkshire Terrier. 
 8 years old. 
 Hateful little dog. 
 ------------------------- 
 FREE PUPPIES: 
 1/2 Cocker Spaniel 
 1/2 Sneaky neighbor's dog 
 ------------------------- 
 Free Puppies... Part German Shepherd 
 Part stupid dog 
 -------------------------
 German Shepherd 85 lbs. 
 Neutered. Speaks German. Free. 
 -------------------------
 Found: dirty white dog. 
 Looks like a rat... 
 Been out awhile. Better be reward. 
 ------------------------- 
 1 man, 7 woman hot tub -- $850/offer 
 -------------------------
 Snow blower for sale... 
 Only used on snowy days. 
 -------------------------
 Tickle Me Elmo, still in box, comes
 with its own 1988 Mustang, 5l,
 auto, excellent condition $6800 
 -------------------------
 Cows, calves never bred... 
 Also 1 gay bull for sale. 
 ------------------------- 
 Nordic track $300 
 hardly used, call Chubby 
 ------------------------- 
 Bill's Septic Cleaning 
 "We haul American made products" 
 ------------------------- 
 Hummels - largest selection ever 
 "If it's in stock, we have it!" 
 ------------------------- 
 Harrisburg Postal Employees Gun Club 
 ------------------------- 
 Georgia peaches 
 California grown - 89 cents lb. 
 ------------------------- 
 Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour?
 We offer profit sharing and flexible hours.
 Starting pay: $7 - $9 per hour. 
 ------------------------- 
 Exercise equipment: 
 Queen size mattress & box springs - $175. 
 -------------------------
 Our sofa seats the whole mob! 
 And it's made of 100% Italian leather. 
 -------------------------
 Joining nudist colony! 
 Must sell washer & dryer $300. 

 1. The dog is not allowed in the house. 
 2. Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms. 
 3. Ok, fine, the dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture. 
 4. The dog can get on the old furniture only. 
 5. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but
 is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed. 
 6. Okay, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation. 
 7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers. 
 8. The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only! 
 9. The dog can sleep under the covers every night. 
 10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.