* By the end of the party, he's got every kid doing
  the "pull my finger" trick.

 * Clown car must be started with breathalyzer device.

 * Keeps screaming, "My name's not BO-zo, it's bo-ZO!"

 * Props for his "disappearing" trick: a moving van  and your wide-screen TV.

 * Scares the kids during the "Severed Limb" trick.

 * Tells the kids he killed Barney in a blood match in Newark.

 * Didn't bring any balloons, but manages to twist your dachshund into other animal shapes.

 * Prefaces each trick with, "here's a little number I learned in jail."

 * Wears a T-Shirt that says, "Drug-free since March!"

 * More interested in squirting seltzer into his Scot than into his pants.

 * A sad clown is one thing -- a clown who spends the entire party with a gun to his temple is another thing entirely.

 * Only balloon animals he can make are a snake and a "snake on acid."